SATIRE: Mayor Pete doubles down on decriminalization of criminal offenses

Mayor Pete at Des Moines Register

Mayor Pete doubles down on decriminalization of criminal offenses

Carlos Delicto, On the campaign trail in Iowa

Seeking to gain the support of the editorial board of Iowa’s leading newspaper, the Des Moines Register, Mayor Pete Buttigieg made the following statement:

BUTTIGIEG: “Incarceration should not even be a response to drug possession.”

EDITOR: “Is that across the board? So, if it’s meth or coke or ecstasy, any drugs, if it’s possession, incarceration isn’t — “

BUTTIGIEG: “That’s right.”

Later that day, at the Annual Year’s End Hog Heaven Fair in Des Moines, Mayor Pete doubled down on his call to decriminalize drug-related criminal offenses, and expanded the range of decriminalization when questioned in an impromptu town hall held in the Pig Building.

HOG FARMER: “Mayor, we know that you want to push the boundaries of criminal offenses away from penal institutions. We also know that you are an active supporter of same-sex marriage and that you would be the first male President to have a male First Gentleman, if you’re elected. How far would you go to decriminalization involving more than two people?”

BUTTIGIEG: “Thank you for that question, Doug.  I see that you’re wearing a “Feel The Bern” button, and that’s okay. I like Senator Sanders and think he’s done a fine job in the U.S. Senate. I encourage him to stay there and keep up the good work.” (audience laughs)

HOG FARMER: “So do I, if he’s not the 46th President (more laughter), but that doesn’t answer my question, Mayor Pete.”

BUTTIGIEG: “Sure, Doug. Well here’s my answer: The Supreme Court of the United States has determined that two persons of the same sex can legally marry. And while I support that, obviously, I don’t think that should be the last word in marriage arrangements.  If three people want to engage in a marriage arrangement, then there should be no law against that. Or, say, four – and even more.  Marriage is a sacred right to all Americans, legal citizens and undocumented immigrants alike, and adults should be free to configure their arrangement as they desire, in any way that suits them. After all, Doug, your sows often have more than one mate, right, and you don’t object, do you? Same for your boars. So, if it’s good for sows and boars, why not for people?”